So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
