Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
