My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
