Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
