i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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