I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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