Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
foreskin is a definite game changer
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
