you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
