I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
