so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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