Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
FUCK WHALES
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
