He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
did i just pee glitter
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
