Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
