the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
