You work out of a Hotel?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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