Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
