He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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