Joe is yelling at the trees again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
