fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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