I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
