So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
