apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
