Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's like a pop up book from hell.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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