i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
