It's Friday. Sex?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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