i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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