Christians are straight up FREAKS
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
