I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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