I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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