Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
