Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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