I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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