i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
