grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
