Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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