that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
