she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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