The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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