are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
