I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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