the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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