Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
