It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
