No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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