you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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