I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
