I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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