Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
