Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
