What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
