the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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