There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
