i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
