This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
